Giraffes wear Nick Clegg masks after failing to solve leaf eating puzzle


‘I looked ridiculous’, claimed blue-tongued, 30-foot tall freak.

A leaf eating puzzle sweeping Africa has resulted in almost all giraffes wearing Nick Clegg masks for the next three days. The seemingly simple puzzle spread rapidly via Savannah media and was the talk of waterholes up and down Africa and beyond. The rare giraffes that solved the puzzle got to feel smug, and the masses that failed had to wear the Clegg mask and thus looked even smugger.

The puzzle involved a giraffe hearing their parents call from the waterhole 200 metres away. It is 3.00am and the parents have a bag of tasty and mildly hallucinogenic leaves, a bag of healthy leaves, and a bag of decorative leaves. The giraffes were asked what they would open first.

95% of giraffes said they would open the bag of tasty and mildly hallucinogenic leaves, 4% opted to open the door and then open the bag of tasty and mildly hallucinogenic leaves, and 1% said they would open their eyes and then get straight into the tasty and hallucinogenic leaves.

The puzzle caused furious debate throughout Africa, with accusations of unclear wording and outright cheating.

“How anyone could answer ‘door’ when there are precisely zero doors in the savannah is beyond me” said Gerald, a six year old giraffe wearing a Nick Clegg mask. “And ‘eyes’ is even more ridiculous. No self-respecting alert giraffe would listen to their parents crap on about all these leaves for 5 minutes while keeping their eyes closed the whole time. So the eyes are already open hence you go for those tasty and mildly hallucinogenic leaves.”

Other giraffes were more philosophical saying that it was only a game, and wearing a Nick Clegg mask wasn’t that bad if you had enough hallucinogenic leaves to take your mind off it.

The prevalence of Nick Clegg giraffes has caused some confusion. Visitors to London Zoo were surprised to see Nick Clegg in the giraffe enclosure, and there were frequent comments on how much taller he looks in real life than on the tele.

Some giraffes are already talking about keeping their masks for longer than three days after noticing that both lions and poachers alike are only targeting the normal giraffes and are running in fear from any giraffes wearing Nick Clegg masks.

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