Brooks practices performing with a life-size microphone
Essex internet sensation Brooks Newmark has resigned, after reports that he is secretly a Tory MP were published in the Sunday Mirror.
Newmark was innocently pursuing his hobby of exchanging photographs of his genitalia, with what he believed to be a fellow todger enthusiast. Continue reading
“I didn’t get here today by … err how did I get here?”
Applications are invited for an exciting position right at the centre of government policy making.
Not enough to do in your own life? ‘Sort of’ interested in politics?
Always wanted to boss other people about? Maybe even a whole country?
Maybe you’re a failed parliamentary candidate, wanting to cut through all that red tape of actually winning an election Continue reading
The eyes have had it.
Recent mild winters have been blamed for parliament’s upper house roll-call remaining stubbornly complete.
“Unless we get a severe cold snap, it may not be easy to lever in everyone who’s bought a peerage” said worried Tory Treasurer Lord Fink “so the PM will check long-range weather forecasts before making his final decision on numbers.”
After the Fred Goodwin scandal, big-money party donors saw that knighthoods could be lost for trifling matters, such as misplacing billions of pounds, and were more willing to stump up the extra for the guaranteed security of a peerage. Continue reading
Number Four: Police knock at the door.
Excitement is building among players of Tory Bingo as more and more cases of sleaze and corruption hit the press meaning that the day one lucky contestant gets to call house can’t be very far away.
“Tory Bingo hasn’t been this thrilling since the early nineties,” said long-term player and Harold resident, Doris Kettle. “Back then we had so many scandals like the economy being brought to its knees by Norman Lamont and his young advisor David Cameron, the arms-to-Iraq scandal, cash-for-questions, Jonathan Aitken being convicted of perjury and-” Continue reading