Unexpected ‘Situation Vacant’ in UK cabinet


“I didn’t get here today by … err how did I get here?”

Applications are invited for an exciting position right at the centre of government policy making.

Not enough to do in your own life? ‘Sort of’ interested in politics?

Always wanted to boss other people about? Maybe even a whole country?

Maybe you’re a failed parliamentary candidate, wanting to cut through all that red tape of actually winning an election and get straight into the heart of government action through the back door.

Well, if you’re a pushy person – ideally another Muslim woman – with time on your hands, a desire to stick your nose into other people’s business and a well-developed smug condescension (at least degree level), then this unique opportunity could be for you.

A willingness to appear endlessly on current affairs programmes and shamelessly act as if you’ve got your government position in a morally defensible way is essential.

Apply in writing to

The Conservative Party Treasurer, Cayman Isles
c/o Conservative Campaign Headquarters
4 Matthew Parker Street

Enclosing a copy of a recent bank statement, and an indication of potential party donation.

1 Comment

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One Response to Unexpected ‘Situation Vacant’ in UK cabinet

  1. That’s a bit mean. A Tory who rediscovers principle is a bit like the sinner who repenteth.