An exact replica of the one that should have been worn by Luis Suarez
Are you partial to a bit of Italian meat during your football match?
Do you prefer your half-time oranges to be blood oranges?
Are your opponents keen on finishing the game with the same amount of digits as they started with?
Then you need the World Cup edition of the Luis Suarez mask. With enough space for even the most horse-like set of teeth, this mask will give you comfort without the risk of you taking a lump out of someone’s shoulder.
In the colours of the Uruguay national team, this replica is exactly the same specification as the one that should have been worn by the Uruguayan Number 9.
This muli-purpose mask can also be used in conjunction with a straight jacket by radio DJs from the 70s
To order yours, simply call Harold 999-I8U
Warning: Keep children’s fingers away from ventilation holes. May contain someone who is nuts
Left Back in the past
Following discussions with human rights campaigner Peter Tachell, the Police have decreed that all chants and songs will be monitored to ensure that they are appropriate and politically balanced at all times.
Failure to adhere to the new rules could result in a ban and fans will be unable to travel to Brazil to support England in the World Cup. Not that they will be allowed to only support England as that would be biased which is strictly prohibited.
As the traditional “We hate Nottingham Forest” song is now outlawed, the Evening Harold has provided the following a new song for fans everywhere: Continue reading
Harold’s Weekly News Round Up
There was controversy yesterday after a care assistant reported Elsie Duggan, the only resident of The Over-The-Hill Nursing Home, for biting her during a game of gin rummy. After the game, Manager Marjorie Houndstooth played down the incident, saying she had been unsighted when the alleged offence took place. She said that Elsie, 86, has been told to “pack it in” but pointed out that Elsie only put in her teeth for “big occasions”.