Following discussions with human rights campaigner Peter Tachell, the Police have decreed that all chants and songs will be monitored to ensure that they are appropriate and politically balanced at all times.
Failure to adhere to the new rules could result in a ban and fans will be unable to travel to Brazil to support England in the World Cup. Not that they will be allowed to only support England as that would be biased which is strictly prohibited.
As the traditional “We hate Nottingham Forest” song is now outlawed, the Evening Harold has provided the following a new song for fans everywhere:
We love Nottingham Forest (of course we do)
We love Nottingham Forest (in a non sexual sort of way, not that we want to be considered homophobic you understand)
And we love Everton too (as before, we really can’t emphasise this enough)
We also love Man United (ditto but we’re really struggling with this now)
But Liverpool (and everyone else) we love you (but we draw the line at Luis Suárez)
Note: For obvious reasons, the song can no longer be sung to the tune of ‘Land of Hope and Glory’. We’re hoping the tattooed lady from Military Wives will record a version to the refrain of The Red Flag.