Tag Archives: Paul Nuttall

James Delaney to stand for Labour in Stoke by-election

He’s actually running for two seats. One for him. One for Hat.

Well-travelled London businessman, James Keziah Delaney, has announced that he is to replace Gareth Snell as the Labour candidate in this week’s by-election.

“I have sworn to do very foolish things,” Delaney grunted from atop a massive white horse. “People who do not know me soon come to understand that I do not have any sense.” He went on to explain that he “knows things about the dead” which is why he’s so attracted to a divided Labour Party predicted to suffer an historic defeat at the next general election. Continue reading

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Paul Nuttall denies being UKIP leader

Oh, yes I am leader of that UKIP. I thought you meant the other UKIP

Paul Nuttall has no idea how claims that he was leader of UKIP, ‘The Friendly Face of Racism’, appeared on his website. “Wasn’t me.” he said “Prove it.”

Nuttall blamed a ‘press officer’ for other, more believable claims; that he’d scored the winning goal in the 1966 World Cup final, held a PhD from John Lennon University and been awarded the Nobel Prize in Theoretical Physics, for work on limits to people fitting into a finite place. Continue reading

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Paul Nuttall denies being a politician as CV row intensifies


Point to a racist, Paul

Lead character from a sitcom you’d have begged your parents not to let you stay up and watch, Paul Nuttall, has confronted the lies on his CV by denying that he is a politician. Continue reading

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UKIP members shocked to find Paul Nuttall is a scouser


“this chap sounds like a footballer”

Thousands of horrified UKIP members only found out today, as they listened to Paul Nuttall gave his acceptance speech, that they’d voted for a scouser.

“My god, I thought he’d be another Nigel.” said Alec Fairchild, a UKIP member and pub bore from Harold. “Well-off, private school, a commodity broker in the city. But this chap sounded like a football player; or someone in a Channel 5 documentary about benefit cheats.”

“We’d already had a filly, for a couple of weeks,” explained Fairchild, warming to his task, Continue reading

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