Paul Nuttall claims he was at election result where Ukip won

We could use a more complimentary picture. We could but we won’t

Mendacity dressed as an extra in a crap British gangster film, Paul Nuttall, is today celebrating what he claims was a historic victory for Ukip in the Stoke by-election and saying he’s looking forward to working in Westminster.
“I was there!” he shouted at reporters attempting to put him right on the result. “I was there, I saw it. I watched several close friends vote right in front of me. I won. Now me and my wife, Angelina Jolie, are looking forward to moving to London and getting our many children settled into schools down there.”
Attempting to find a nugget of truth in the torrent of obnoxious word-chutney that fell from his mouth someone asked him to imagine a world in which he had not won a seat in Parliament.
“Oh I wouldn’t be too bothered,” Nuttall said. “Not with my glittering academic career and work as a member of the board of the North West Training Council to keep me busy. Plus, I guess it’s got to be muggins here who takes over Leicester and puts them back on the path to championship glory. Busy, busy, busy, I’ve barely got time to be an MP but I am one. I was there.”
Nigel Farage is this morning unavailable for comment but has changed his Facebook bio back to ‘Leader’ once more.

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