Cats renamed Pocket Lions to widen appeal


Tired of being used as a furry prop in lonely thirty-something’s lives and constantly being accused of ultimately planning on eating their single human housemate, cats have rebranded as Pocket Lions in order to widen their ownership demographic.

“It’s a strong name, it’s a fun name. It’s a name with capital letters,” said a Pocket Lion. “We’re feisty creatures who are up for a good time and would live happily with any combination of people. We’re not just here for the woman who’s given up on love and ancient ladies who keep too many of us in small over-heated homes. Pocket Lions are fighting back against these clichés and telling the world that we’ll be a part of anyone’s life.”

“We can do loads of stuff that’s beneficial to our human buddies,” the Pocket Lion went on to say. “We can help blind and disabled people, control crowds, sniff out drugs and bombs and leap out of coastguard launches to rescue swimmers. We can do all that but we’re not going to. We’re changing our name, not our nature. Now feed me, mortal. And then get ready to provide a lap until your legs go numb and you seriously think you might wet yourself.”

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