Next week we’re going with him personally sinking the Belgrano
Paul Dacre, who edits the Daily Mail and pretends to be a journalist, is trying to make up for all the lies he didn’t tell about Jeremy Corbyn in the 2017 election campaign.
“I’ve had to learn to forgive myself.” said a tearful Dacre “So many chances to commission a hatchet job so mendacious it would see a trainee hack kicked off any decent course.”
“If I’d thought he was going to popular with voters I’d have taken one or two more LSD tabs for inspiration Continue reading
Made no mention of paedophilia
Paul Dacre has concluded he might have been more critical of Jeremy Corbyn, by at least hinting at the Labour leader’s support for paedophilia.
“It’s a weakness of mine, I guess.” confessed the Daily Mail Editor, after a weekend of rare introspection, “By always looking for the best in people, I may have let Corbyn off the hook, by mistake.”
“Yes, we said he’s a terrorist supporter and although we couldn’t prove it, reading between our lines it was clear he was behind the recent terror attacks, even if Continue reading
Every time you click on the Daily Mail Paul Dacre rips the wings off an angel
Despite being the embodiment of no sane person’s values and an enemy of tolerance and reason the Daily Mail remains massively popular with everyone who claims to hate it.
“It’s a disgusting rag,” said local estate agent Gill Gates. “It hates women and relentlessly promotes division. I believe it represents the very worst aspects of our society. How often do I read it? Oh all the time. It’s on my bookmarks bar and I like to keep up with it so I can have lots of stuff to be outraged at throughout the day.” Continue reading
Daily Mail editor Paul Dacre is missing, presumed dead, after no Jeremy Corbyn smears have been published for over 12 hours.
The absence of Corbyn smears for that length of time was very out of character for the Mail, according to police spokesman Edwin Wallis.
Filed under News, Politics
Paul Dacre: sweaty palms
Punishment for sins we all committed in a past life and alleged source of news, the Daily Mail, has admitted that Isis gets them a little bit sweaty.
“It’s the way they keep doing entirely unspeakable things to people and filming it that I find so fascinating,” said editor, Paul Dacre. “We then publish images from those films, with the worst details ever-so-slightly blurred, and harrumph about how evil it is. Then we do it again and again and again. Simples.” Continue reading
More harmful than smoking #FACT
Many of us are being exposed to the Daily Mail unawares a report published today confirms. By not explicitly labelling content from the Daily Mail as reactionary bobbins people are exposed to a harmful cocktail of misogyny, xenophobia and many other shabby things ending in -ist, -ia and -ic. Continue reading
Why is too complicated a question. We just want to know how.
It is a story that should disturb everyone who loves this country for the Evening Harold can exclusively reveal that Peter Dacre the journalist whose son Paul now edits the Daily Mail buggered Her Majesty’s swans on several occasions and then blamed what we would today call asylum seekers for the Queen’s feathery subject’s distress.
Peter Dacre was extremely fond of nipping along to a quiet stretch of the Thames near Runnymede where he could get down to some serious man et swan action without fear of being interrupted. There are locals living there now who can still recall hearing cries of ‘How’s that for a Magna Carta?” echoing out from the reeds and remember being terribly afraid of what effect this would have on the value of their houses. Continue reading