Tag Archives: Paul Dacre

People who say they hate the Daily Mail still reading it constantly

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Every time you click on the Daily Mail Paul Dacre rips the wings off an angel

Despite being the embodiment of no sane person’s values and an enemy of tolerance and reason the Daily Mail remains massively popular with everyone who claims to hate it.

“It’s a disgusting rag,” said local estate agent Gill Gates. “It hates women and relentlessly promotes division. I believe it represents the very worst aspects of our society. How often do I read it? Oh all the time. It’s on my bookmarks bar and I like to keep up with it so I can have lots of stuff to be outraged at throughout the day.” Continue reading

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Grave fears for Daily Mail’s editor as twelve hours pass without Jeremy Corbyn smear

DacreDaily Mail editor Paul Dacre is missing, presumed dead, after no Jeremy Corbyn smears have been published for over 12 hours.

The absence of Corbyn smears for that length of time was very out of character for the Mail, according to police spokesman Edwin Wallis.
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Daily Mail admits to getting a bit excited by Isis

Paul Dacre: sweaty palms

Punishment for sins we all committed in a past life and alleged source of news, the Daily Mail, has admitted that Isis gets them a little bit sweaty.

“It’s the way they keep doing entirely unspeakable things to people and filming it that I find so fascinating,” said editor, Paul Dacre. “We then publish images from those films, with the worst details ever-so-slightly blurred, and harrumph about how evil it is. Then we do it again and again and again. Simples.” Continue reading

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Paul Dacre leaves house wearing unflattering suit, sporting high forehead haircut, and no make-up

Paul Dacre, editor of The Daily Mail, arrives at the High Court to give evidence to the Leveson Inquiry on February 9, 2012 Paul Dacre has been pictured leaving his house this morning, possibly to meet a woman, or a man, or to buy a paper, wearing an unflattering suit and carrying more than a few extra pounds.

His daring outfit, comprising a grey two-piece suit in a dark galactic grey teamed with a white shirt with unflattering blue vertical pinstripes and a burgundy tie, left the Daily Mail editor looking older than his years.
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‘Daily Mail, taken in sufficient quantities, may produce all the effects of being a dick’ report says

More harmful than smoking #FACT

Many of us are being exposed to the Daily Mail unawares a report published today confirms. By not explicitly labelling content from the Daily Mail as reactionary bobbins people are exposed to a harmful cocktail of misogyny, xenophobia and many other shabby things ending in -ist, -ia and -ic.  Continue reading

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Editor of Daily Mail’s father buggered the Queen’s swans

How?

Why is too complicated a question. We just want to know how.

It is a story that should disturb everyone who loves this country for the Evening Harold can exclusively reveal that Peter Dacre the journalist whose son Paul now edits the Daily Mail buggered Her Majesty’s swans on several occasions and then blamed what we would today call asylum seekers for the Queen’s feathery subject’s distress.

Peter Dacre was extremely fond of nipping along to a quiet stretch of the Thames near Runnymede where he could get down to some serious man et swan action without fear of being interrupted. There are locals living there now who can still recall hearing cries of ‘How’s that for a Magna Carta?” echoing out from the reeds and remember being terribly afraid of what effect this would have on the value of their houses. Continue reading

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