From the 2014 ‘Moyes Looking Upset’ calendar
Back-to-back losses in the Premier League, a lacklustre win against travel-weary Ukrainian opponents in the Champions League, closer to the relegation zone than the top of the table – you would think there has never been a better time to hate Manchester United – But that’s the problem, say dedicated Manchester United hater groups, as the internet drowns in amateur Man U mockers quick to join in the sneering season.
“It’s easy to mock them when they’re losing 1-0 at Stoke on a rainy Wednesday night, but where were these Johnny-come-lately misery hunters when Man United were winning everything?” moaned one die-hard hater on The Manchester United Haters Club Facebook page. “They don’t even know the basics like writing ‘ManUre’ in blogs to show you hate them”
The second coming?
With David Moyes’ reign hanging by a thread after another loss, Sir Alex Ferguson clarified that there is no way in the world he would return as Man Utd manager even if paid £15 million a year, his son got a £5 million fee for arranging the deal, and his statue was increased in height by a foot.
“They could offer me all that and more and I still wouldn’t be interested” said Sir Alex. “I’d say no to the job even if they threw in some champion racehorses, a holiday house in Barbados, and chained David Beckham to the wall so I could throw shoes at him.”
Previously crowned ‘king of Europe’ Fergie takes on a smaller challenge
Sir Alex Ferguson has announced his retirement from football today, positioning himself to take over managing the country from the Queen.
“I see Prince Charles is being sent to the commonwealth meeting in the Queen’s place to prepare him” Fergie told reporters. “These other countries need a leader they can trust and take seriously, so I will go with him.”
This move has led to speculation that not even the Queen can trust the Prince of Wales to take on the role as head of state when the time comes. Insiders at the palace have denied that claim, but with Sir Alex expected to sit beside the Queen during the state opening of Parliament, the rumours continue.
Earlier there were conflicting reports. Some had suggested he was going to take the top job at Reading FC, but the ‘royals’ he is going to manage turned out to be the Windsors.