Unusually for a major artist’s release, the album will be launched with no advertising whatever, on a date that is being kept a secret, and only sold in a handful of boutique ironmongers.
The album is not actually being released in England, although it will be freely available in Scotland and everywhere else.
“We realise that this low-key approach to publicity might mean that not all fans get to appreciate Elton’s latest offering,” admitted an anonymous spokesperson, “But sometimes big stars prefer to stay out of the limelight.”
“Not that there’s anything to hide. Why would there be anything to hide?”
“In fact, you’re not allowed to say that there’s nothing to hide. Enjoy the album though!”
“Not that there’s an album. We deny that completely.”
“We’re a perfectly happily married couple, and would have no need to release an album.”
“Ooh, what a give away.”