Tag Archives: DUP

DUP insist PM reroutes walking holiday to include march through Drumcree

As she marches she can sing that old classic “The Pink Frock My Father Wore”

World’s most angry and bigoted neighbourhood watch group run amok, the DUP, have stopped rolling around in all their magic money tree cash long enough to order the Prime Minister to radically change her holiday plans. Continue reading

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Tipsy DUP blow the whole billion on a giant chocolate orange

It’s just like that old marching song ‘The Chocolate My Father Ate’

Celebrating Theresa’s magic money tree rewarding mindless bigotry with the equivalent of twenty-six thousand nurses salaries, a tipsy DUP has confessed that they’ve spent the whole lot on a massive chocolate orange. Continue reading

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Prime Minister: “£1bn of your money to get me 10 DUP votes is a steal”

Only an idiot or someone living 50 years in the past …

“I’ve always been quite clear about this, it isn’t my money.” said Mrs May “So for me then, it’s not as tough as, say, choosing between more red shoes or a weekend in the country. Although Philip buys my shoes and the public pays for my Chequers weekends but you get the idea.”

The Prime Minister said that with just ten DUP MPs, dividing up the £100,000,000 would be relatively easy as, despite appearances suggesting otherwise, none of them has more than the standard number of fingers Continue reading

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Filed under Election 2017

May “sanctioned” over missing Queen’s speech

Her Majesty and Mrs May in happier times

Theresa May’s benefits have been suspended, after she cancelled an appointment with the Queen at Westminster.

“Her Majesty doesn’t take such decisions lightly” said a palace spokesman “but the discipline of attending for work is important, especially for someone who’s left their job for no good reason.”

The PM walked out of her last job eight weeks ago “With no guaranteed job to go to, this was extremely reckless and she can’t expect to just carry on being paid as if nothing Continue reading

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Filed under DWP, Election 2017, News, Politics

Fears grow for tragic PM unable to say anything other than meaningless three word phrases

Don’t you think she looks tired?

Concerned well-wishers are gathering outside the gates of Downing Street this morning as the Prime Minister continues to sound off like a senile Furby. Continue reading

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PM sacks advisers: “those to blame must pay”

It can’t just be them. Was it you?

Mrs May has punished those to blame for the election debacle, by sacking the people she chose as her advisers.

“Nick and Fiona looked nice but behaved like thugs, which was a perfect fit for me, but they got it all wrong. What I need to know is, who advised me to hire them? Continue reading

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Filed under Election 2017, News, Politics