Responding to critics who claim the election costs could have funded 4000 teachers, Theresa May says £140m was “chicken feed”, compared to £1.5bn handed to people less welcome on your doorstep than Jehovah’s Witnesses, Continue reading
Tag Archives: DUP
World’s most angry and bigoted neighbourhood watch group run amok, the DUP, have stopped rolling around in all their magic money tree cash long enough to order the Prime Minister to radically change her holiday plans. Continue reading
Celebrating Theresa’s magic money tree rewarding mindless bigotry with the equivalent of twenty-six thousand nurses salaries, a tipsy DUP has confessed that they’ve spent the whole lot on a massive chocolate orange. Continue reading
“I’ve always been quite clear about this, it isn’t my money.” said Mrs May “So for me then, it’s not as tough as, say, choosing between more red shoes or a weekend in the country. Although Philip buys my shoes and the public pays for my Chequers weekends but you get the idea.”
The Prime Minister said that with just ten DUP MPs, dividing up the £100,000,000 would be relatively easy as, despite appearances suggesting otherwise, none of them has more than the standard number of fingers Continue reading
Theresa May’s benefits have been suspended, after she cancelled an appointment with the Queen at Westminster.
“Her Majesty doesn’t take such decisions lightly” said a palace spokesman “but the discipline of attending for work is important, especially for someone who’s left their job for no good reason.”
The PM walked out of her last job eight weeks ago “With no guaranteed job to go to, this was extremely reckless and she can’t expect to just carry on being paid as if nothing Continue reading
Concerned well-wishers are gathering outside the gates of Downing Street this morning as the Prime Minister continues to sound off like a senile Furby. Continue reading
Mrs May has punished those to blame for the election debacle, by sacking the people she chose as her advisers.
“Nick and Fiona looked nice but behaved like thugs, which was a perfect fit for me, but they got it all wrong. What I need to know is, who advised me to hire them? Continue reading