Emissions have been linked to worrying levels of accordions.
As VW’s executives admit that they sometimes release noxious gases, Germany’s ‘who smelt it dealt it’ scandal has now spread to the important spiced pork industry.
For years, the EC has imposed ever-tougher environmental rules on the sausage. Along with cheap lager, they’re responsible for 60% of tailpipe emissions.
Consumer champion Pippa Delaney explained the deceit.
“It seems that while German manufacturers claim to make a ‘cleaner wiener’, in reality, they’re churning out the same dirty old bangers.”
“I think they were hoping we wouldn’t kick up a stink about this. But this must be followed through, and follow through I will.”
They’ll even fill your tyres with hot air.
With milk now cheaper than water in some supermarkets, and petrol also cheaper than water in all of them, Waitrose are hoping to inspire shoppers to treat themselves with fancier fuel.
Offering a range of sparkling diesels and EC-compliant fruit-scented petrols, the first Waitrose service station is already drawing a queue of discerning motorists.
“People take petrol for granted, now that you can buy a litre of ‘cooking unleaded’ for under a quid”, said Rupert Thomas, Marketing Director.
“But a hint of jasmine or jojoba oil from your tailpipe lets those behind you know that you favour a more select way of burning your money.”
Drivers of diesel cars are to face an extra charge of up to £10 on top of the congestion charge in London to help compensate for the amount of smug they give off.
Environmental groups have welcome the plans saying the amount of smug given of by diesel car drivers when talking about their fuel efficiency is becoming a serious health risk to everyone.
A spokesperson for the Green Party said: “Smug levels in the South East and especially London have always been high, with ‘banker bonus season’ creating a smug cloud so bad it is hard to see the top of Canary Wharf.