There were tears across the globe this morning when news leaked that Justin Bieber’s plea bargain defence for illegal street racing will be accepted. Meaning that the half-man half-hair moussed jackal is free to continue his spree of crimes against music. Continue reading
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A couple in Harold has been arrested by police for allowing their child to become enormously ginger.
Aged just 11 the child is already pantone 152, a number at odds with national guidelines.
“Teachers first alerted us to the child when he was placed in a brightly-lit classroom, and the sun reflecting off his hair somehow stained all the chalk an offensive orange colour”, said PC Flegg.
“When an officer went round to warn his parents, they were confronted by a 38 year-old male who was wantonly ginger.”
The Metropolitan Police have confirmed that a man has been arrested for using the wrong knife during a meal at Buckingham Palace.
Security officers moved swiftly to detain the individual, when it became clear he had no idea which end of a posset knife was which.
“A 44 year-old man has been held for questioning, after showing his class during an official State Dinner”, declared Chief Inspector Mutton at a hastily convened press conference. “Our suspicions were first aroused when he fumbled his gizzard tweezers, and failed to inflate a quail in the correct manner with a set of game bellows.”