If you don’t know what it’s for, you’re probably scum.
The Metropolitan Police have confirmed that a man has been arrested for using the wrong knife during a meal at Buckingham Palace.
Security officers moved swiftly to detain the individual, when it became clear he had no idea which end of a posset knife was which.
“A 44 year-old man has been held for questioning, after showing his class during an official State Dinner”, declared Chief Inspector Mutton at a hastily convened press conference. “Our suspicions were first aroused when he fumbled his gizzard tweezers, and failed to inflate a quail in the correct manner with a set of game bellows.”
The suspect had been invited to the black tie event to recognise his services to an owl charity, but managed to turn up in one decorated with piano keys.
“Normally we do carry out a few simple background checks to keep out the riff-raff, but somehow we dropped the ball on this one”, admitted Gammon. “It’s hard to see how it happened: this oaf’s address was clearly in Birmingham.”
Etiquette remains important at formal occasions, particularly when Prince Harry is attending an event. The shock of watching a berk molest a steamed heron with what was clearly a swan hammer set the young man’s rehabilitation back several months. Handlers later found him in a tower tearing a chicken apart with his bare feet, and stuffing a wing in his ear.
Gammon also apologised for the delay in removing the suspect, the effort having taken his team nearly 40 minutes. “It won’t happen again, my officers will go on a refresher course”, insisted the Inspector. “One should never attempt to use the thigh manacles during the cheese course.”
Pure bloody class (or possibly lack of it). Fancy not knowing how to deal with a heron!!!!