Next election to be decided by game of ‘Candy Crush Saga’.


In an effort to avoid the type of democracy that throws up a coalition nobody voted for, the three main party leaders and Nick Clegg have agreed to chose the next government through a game of Candy Crush Saga.

The competition, that begun after last week’s Prime Minister’s Question will see the person on the highest level in May 2015 crowned champion of political Candy Crush and Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.

“Polls can vary in accuracy depending who is asked, current news items and who has kissed the most babies but Facebook apps never lie” David Cameron said.

“I have become ‘friends’ with Alex Salmond so should Scotland vote to stay part of the Union I can send him an invite, and if they vote for independence then he can give me some extra lives.”

The logistics of the game have been sorted after some initial concern it might not be fair.

“Cameron and Miliband can both play on their iPhones, A special version has been made for Farage’s British-built Amstrad Emailer, but Clegg claimed to have restricted internet access,” referee John Bercow explained.

“But after several days of intense negotiation, Nick Clegg’s wife has agree to let him online for 30 minutes a day, as long as he has eaten all his dinner up.”

Although some may see this as a departure from democracy, Mr Bercow said the public can have their influence.

“Everyone on the electoral roll, or as it now called, a Facebook account, can give their favourite players the chance to move up to the next level and progress closer to number 10.”

But the friendly game has already become a party political mess with accusations of cheating from all sides.

The Conservative party have claimed that the unions have been using members’ Facebook accounts without their knowledge to help Labour progress, and Labour have said the only reason Cameron is ahead is because Lord Ashcroft has been financing add-on packages.

But the biggest accusation of cheating has been levelled at the so far run away leader Nick Clegg. But despite being on level 256 after just 2 and a half hours play, Clegg denies letting his four year old play the game for him.


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