With David Moyes’ disastrous but hilarious reign as Manchester United manager having come to an end the search has begun for the man to replace him. There are certain qualities needed to manage one of the world’s biggest football clubs and here we run through some of the candidates who look like they could do a better job of it than Moyes did. Continue reading
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Football fans across England have reacted with joy to the news that Sir Alex Ferguson will take a prominent role in deciding Manchester United’s next manager.
Following the unalloyed success of the Scot’s previously chosen candidate, there is general delight that football is to be treated to another exhibition of genius recruitment from the master.
An Old Trafford spokesman confirmed this morning that the most enjoyable hiring process since Basil Fawlty employed Manuel was under way.
“Sir Alex has proved his judgement a thousand times over the years, and he have total confidence in him,” he insisted. “Yes, he’s not as young as he used to be, and sometimes forgets what his name is, but you can’t argue with experience.”
“It might be true that he comes into meetings still in his pyjamas some days, thinks he’s Napoleon and smells of wee, but the board retain every confidence in him.” Continue reading
David Beckham has spoken of his delight on being chosen to be the twelfth Doctor Who.
“I am well pleased,” he said. “It was a bit hard to keep it a secret but Victoria wasn’t that bothered. She doesn’t watch science telly, finds it a bit too deep.”
Despite the Doctor being a huge role for any actor let alone one without formal training in his first professional job Beckham is confident he can excel.
Despite being at a loose end for over three weeks now, retired Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson ‘still hasn’t put those bloody shelves up’, according to his wife Cathy.
Sir Alex has been promising to tackle various odd-jobs around the home since 1986, when he first moved the family for his new senior administrative role with a popular sports team in Manchester. But while most men retire around the age of 65, Cathy claims he ‘deliberately kept going into his 70s’ to avoid the looming spectre of DIY.
“Alex claims he’s good with his hands, but he’s not so much as rewired a plug since the early 90s”, revealed Cathy. “And when I say ‘rewired’, I mean ‘shouted at its metal little face for 94 minutes and then hit it with a shoe.”
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