Speaking outside the party’s HQ he said: “I know I look like Grant Shapps, and I sound like Grant Shapps but I think it’s important that I separate my lying, dishonest business persona from my lying, dishonest politician persona in order to keep my integrity. Continue reading
Tag Archives: a&e
A company that sells chocolate to people with head injuries is celebrating their ‘best week ever’.
With demand for slightly out-of-date Bounties reaching a peak not seen since last year’s outbreak of the norovirus, Dunstable firm SickSnacks Ltd are looking to projectily increase their coverage.
“The little spiral things in our product dispersal doodads have been empty for days”, bragged Managing Director Derek Fister. “And the recent change to our policy on giving out change is really paying dividends.”
For some people looking to not starve to death while waiting for medical treatment, the firm has literally been a lifeline.
The latest attempt by GPs to avoid doing any work is causing massive delays at local libraries.
With the A&E department at Dunstable hospital already full to capacity, local quack Dr Evans is urging would-be patients to ‘read a book’, instead of bothering a proper health professional.
“It’s not my fault people get ill outside office hours”, suggested Evans. “It would help me enormously if they would only get sick between 10.30am and 3.30 pm, or before 1pm on a Wednesday.
“But while I sympathise with those who say I spend all my time on the golf course, they might first consider ‘would I be better off in the library?'”
Thanks to a new national initiative, Doctor Evans can now prescribe people ‘self-help’ books which are available from all good librarians. “For a simple £7.85 prescription, they can pick up something I heartily recommend”, said Evans. “Preferably something quite long, that will take ages to finish.”