Vending machine firm has ‘best week’ in Britain’s A&Es

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Fortunately, the machine can still take money from people suffering from concussion.

A company that sells chocolate to people with head injuries is celebrating their ‘best week ever’.

With demand for slightly out-of-date Bounties reaching a peak not seen since last year’s outbreak of the norovirus, Dunstable firm SickSnacks Ltd are looking to projectily increase their coverage.

“The little spiral things in our product dispersal doodads have been empty for days”, bragged Managing Director Derek Fister. “And the recent change to our policy on giving out change is really paying dividends.”

For some people looking to not starve to death while waiting for medical treatment, the firm has literally been a lifeline.

“When I broke my pelvis, I didn’t have the foresight to make sandwiches”, admitted Harold’s Meave Davis. “But fortunately, I had enough money to buy a packet of Poppets.”

“Obviously dragging my shattered carcass over to the vending machine was cripplingly painful, but I soon forgot about my leg pain when I got my head trapped in the customer conclusion flap.”

Fister is looking into ways of maximising profits, and is even considering restocking his devices.

“We’ve hired some industry consultants who have identified a demand for painkillers, tourniquets and adult nappies”, revealed Fister.

“But we’ll stick to what we know. Namely squashed packets of Quavers that our victims have to pay for twice.”

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