“WHAT THE F*** ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!”
Following John Lewis and Sainsbury’s, Bargain Booze have become the latest retailer to unveil their Christmas TV advert.
The UK off licence chain have worked tirelessly on the ad, which aired for the first time at 9.15 last night on Challenge, during the first break in a repeat of a 2011 episode of Pointless. Continue reading
“You’re right dear; the turkey does look a bit dry.”
Balloon sales at John Lewis have gone through the roof, thanks to an advertising campaign to send unwanted old people to the moon.
With the moon now reachable using just helium and ribbons, nice middle-class families are hoping for a relatively relative-free Christmas.
“I was dreading another year of having to ignore rude comments about my cooking”, said Pippa Delaney. “But with nan approximately 385,000 kilometres away in a prograde elliptical orbit, we should be able to stand for the Queen’s speech in silence this year, without anyone calling her a slut.”
The UK’s first e-cigarette TV advert to show vaping will air tonight staring this year’s star of the John Lewis Christmas campaign, Monty the Penguin.
To be shown after the watershed, the advert will show a stressed out penguin vaping for the first time on TV.
“Over 10 million YouTube hits has taken its toll,” Monty said, “and I found it hard to cope with the new found fame.
“Add living in an unnatural environment for a penguin and a forced marriage into the mix and it’s amazing I’m only on e-cigs and haven’t p-p-p-p-picked up a vodka.”
Filed under News, Society
Slightly cheaper than burning an approved fire log.
An advert for holiday sharks Centre Parcs has been banned, after claims that it showed a visitor who still had a penny to his name.
Amidst the normal crowd of gaunt faces and children dressed in rags was a man looking at a menu, and wondering whether to buy chips.
“The very idea that anyone can come away from Centre Parcs while still remaining solvent is a disgusting distortion of the truth”, said campaigner Pippa Delaney.
“We’d done most of our money before we’d left the car park and had to spend the remaining four days eating soil. We just sat in our chalet trying to remember how to play charades, and fantasising about cooking a swan over one of their £87 fire logs.”
Made from only the finest free range mums
Have you ever noticed how messy children can become when you’re out? Ice cream, chocolate, mud and animal fur all seem to be magnetically attracted to their faces, leaving other people thinking you don’t wash your kids. Sure you could use a wet wipe, but if anything you are just spreading the problem. That’s where we can help
Made with the cleaning power of spit from over 40 authentic mothers all from the village of Harold, MumSpit not only kills 99.9% of all known germs, but it also has a bloody good go at the remaining 0.1%. Sprayed liberally onto the offending face, MumSpit can then wiped away with a hanky, a jumper sleeve or a McDonald’s napkin. Continue reading