Category Archives: EU referendum

New theme park ‘En-Ger-Land’ may open in 2020

farage_braying

“En-Ger-Land, En-Ger-Land, En-Ger-Land… oh and Scotland too”

En-Ger-Land, a fantasy theme park which could encompass the entire country by 2020, may undermine prospects for a UK version of ‘Disneyland’ due to open in Kent the following year.

A company spokesperson, Mr Farage, explained how, if the shareholders give the go-ahead on 23rd June, he will start work the next day. “We’ll be rolling out traditional village pubs across the country; with jolly landlords reminiscing about a better time when no one was black or gay Continue reading

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Filed under EU referendum, Europe, News, Politics

Part-Kenyan Obama’s ancestral hatred of Britain ‘tip of the iceberg’ says new report

Is this some kind of bust?

Is this some kind of bust?

Obama’s removal of the Churchill bust from the Oval Office confirmed, as Boris Johnson pointed out in his article for The Sun newspaper, that he carries the anti-Brit gene inherited from his Kenyan side, but a new report suggests that this is just the latest in a long line of US Presidents unable to think or act rationally due to dodgy DNA.

The damning report slammed several post-war US presidents, and if speculations are to be believed, what they could have done to the Churchill statue behind closed doors makes what Obama did look pale by comparison.

Dwight Eisenhower – or to give his surname its proper spelling ‘Eisenhauer’ – was of course part German, a country with whom Britain has seldom been allies. Therefore, the report claims, he almost definitely carried the anti-UK mutation, even if he was not aware of it. Despite their good relationship in real life, some suggest that in private, Eisenhower could have made fun of our nation’s greatest leader by making the statue eat sauerkraut or sausages with mustard on.

Fast forward to the sixties and we find part-Irish John F. Kennedy in the Whitehouse. The report points out that the Irish ancestral hatred of Britain is second-to-none, and it is thought that while praising Churchill in public, it is most likely Kennedy allowed his many mistresses to give him oral sex in full view of Britain’s war-time PM’s disapproving statue eyes.

Another part-Irish chief executive, Bill Clinton, is likely to have done even worse, maybe full sex, or anal, and Clinton’s now-infamous ‘cigar incident’ could well have been a direct mocking reference to Churchill’s fondness for smoking them in his tight-lipped yet moist, yielding mouth.

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Filed under 29/9 attrocities, EU referendum, Europe, News, Politics, Sex, War

Gove and Johnson warn of terrifying ‘leap into the known’ if Britain stays in EU

The safe option?

Following a week in which sensible people everywhere advised Britain not to balls things up by leaving the EU, the leading figures in the “Leave” campaign have insisted that by not changing anything, the country risks a disastrous “leap into the known”.

“No-one can predict what could happen if we leave things exactly as they are,” insisted justice secretary and evil muppet Michael Gove.

“By not changing our entire economic and political system, we have no idea just what the consequences could be.”

“Imagine a world where you woke up and things were exactly like they were this morning, except without me banging on. It’s too scary to contemplate.”

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Filed under EU referendum, idiots, News

UKIP supporter campaigns against EU by invading Poland

massive_bellend

Massive bell-end

A UKIP supporter has invaded Poland as part of a misguided attempt to campaign against the European Union, it has emerged.

Cab driver Timothy ‘Twatty’ Miller has been slammed for hiring a tank and encroaching into Polish territory, in a mystifying bid to make the point that he was angry about something.

Miller, 99, claimed the invasion is a symbol of “freedom and democracy” and hopes it will encourage floating voters to opt for Brexit in the upcoming EU referendum. No, really.

Police interviewed Mr Miller, pointing out to him that while it was not necessarily illegal to drive a tank, he was nonetheless in grave danger of making himself look like a massive fucking bell-end.

Miller denied he was a fascist, saying: “People want to read that I’m anti-semitic but that is not the truth.”

“The truth is that I’m a massive fucking bell-end.”

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Filed under EU referendum, News, War

“Pot accuses Kettle of using ‘spin, smears and threats'”

Iain-Duncan-Smithangry

“Say that again and I’ll punch your lights out. I used to be world heavyweight boxing champion”

A well-known Pot, usually found lying to and threatening the vulnerable, has complained that some Kettles campaigning to remain in the EU, are using dishonest, bullying tactics.

The one-time ‘Quiet Pot’ is thought to be such an expert on spin that it wouldn’t recognise the truth; even if it was scrubbed, primped, and wearing a satin evening-gown, with the words ‘The Truth’ sewed on front and back in flashing sequins.

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Filed under EU referendum, Europe, News