Gove and Johnson warn of terrifying ‘leap into the known’ if Britain stays in EU

The safe option?

Following a week in which sensible people everywhere advised Britain not to balls things up by leaving the EU, the leading figures in the “Leave” campaign have insisted that by not changing anything, the country risks a disastrous “leap into the known”.

“No-one can predict what could happen if we leave things exactly as they are,” insisted justice secretary and evil muppet Michael Gove.

“By not changing our entire economic and political system, we have no idea just what the consequences could be.”

“Imagine a world where you woke up and things were exactly like they were this morning, except without me banging on. It’s too scary to contemplate.”

The “Brexit” campaign has faced criticism for apparently talking bollocks by insisting that enormous social upheaval is somehow the safest option. However, professional bastard and future Tory party leader Boris Johnson pointed out that by staying in the European Union, Britain risked being flooded with Kenyans.

“Golly,” he continued winningly. “One thing’s for sure – we have no idea what being in the EU is like. But NOT being in the EU, well that’s the safe option. Look at Switzerland. Or Narnia.”

“That’s Narnia after the Witch was defeated by the nice non-Kenyan children, obviously. So there you are.”

“If we were to stay in Europe, why, anything could happen. Apart from me not being racist, of course. That’s pretty much a given, no matter what happens.”

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