A séance held by the UK Brexit team has called upon Schrödinger’s ghost to help resolve the Irish border issue.
“What we need,” said Mrs May, “is a border that exists in the EU’s mind, but which is invisible to the DUP.”
The séance was delayed while HM Stationery Office searched their cupboard for an umlaut to go over the ‘o’ in Schrödinger. But the search was fruitless, despite a senior civil servant swearing blind he’d seen one in there only last week. Continue reading
Doesn’t look happy, does it? Bet it’s a Remainer
It’s the time of year when eight-legged terror beasts sidle into British homes every bit as needy and unsettling as Kevin Spacey at a youth theatre picnic. However the government are urging people to welcome and nurture the original and least pretentious web-based artists ‘just in case’ as they might come in handy post-Brexit.
Filed under Animals, Brexit
Colin, escaping into soup’s sweet release
A crayfish who sacrificed its own limb to survive an encounter in a pub with a vociferous Brexit fan has become an online hero.
Footage shows Colin the crustacean wedged in at the bar next to a tweed-suited Nigel Farage wannabe, before detaching one of its own claws to make a bid for freedom.
At first the tasty shellfish can be seen trying to deflect his assailant with a combination of uncomfortable body language and grunting, but the right-winger‘s first use of the phrase “political correctness gone mad” was enough to convince it that the loss of a claw was a small price to pay.
As the sounds of “I’m not racist, but some of them…” rang behind it, the crayfish hobbled quickly into the pub kitchen, seeking the back door and a handy stream behind the building. It was only to find itself trapped again when Mr Brexit, apparently oblivious to its discomfort, followed it into the kitchen and began extolling the mercantile opportunities of the Commonwealth.
At this point the crayfish realised the only option left to it was to hop into the boiling pan of soup bubbling on the stove, thus ending its torment forever.
Mystified, the Brexit lover returned to the bar to widen his audience, only to be surprised by a stampede of customers also rushing for the kitchen to dive into the sweet release of death by boiling.
Donald exhibiting rudimentary human-like behaviour
An American circus cannot bring it’s prize giant orange-u-tan to London over fears the animal will become stressed by all the public attention.
The Republican Circus had hoped to cash in on it’s giant primate Donald who has amazed American people with his ability to exhibit rudimentary signs of human behaviour. The orange-u-tan can grunt and sniff as a form of speaking, and perhaps more controversially, some say Donald has the ability to communicate simple concepts through tweeting.