Tag Archives: zero hours contract

Jobseekers will be ‘forced to build pyramids’


A cold block of stone with an empty tomb for a heart

Jobseekers face losing their benefits for three months if they refuse to take roles as pyramid-building slaves, a letter from a Conservative minister has revealed.

For the first time, benefit claimants are at risk of penalties if they do not apply for and accept zero-hours contracts moving giant blocks of stone on crude wooden rollers under the harsh Egyptian sun, according to the new universal credit system.

Last week, the Office of National Statistics revealed that the number of contracts which do not guarantee minimum hours but do guarantee you having your back ripped open by whips while slowly dying of dehydration has reached 1.4 million. Continue reading

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Revealed: Ed Miliband employed on zero hours contract


Mr Miliband insists he is a valued member of the team, despite spending 98% of his time in a box.

Following an application under the Freedom of Information Act, the Evening Harold has discovered that Labour leader Ed Miliband is employed on a ‘zero hours’ contract.

Despite ostensibly having a proper job that excludes him from claiming benefits, data shows that the MP for Doncaster North has done less than 35 minutes paid work in the last 3 years.

“It’s not ideal, but I have a strong work ethic”, insisted Miliband. “I’m prepared to do what it takes to stay on the job ladder. Obviously, it would be nice to feel wanted and to have something to say, but I must emphasise:  for those 35 minutes, I was fully committed to leading an effective opposition.”
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