Tag Archives: WW1

Light rain plays havoc with my bone spur, insists Trump

For God’s sake keep the rain off it, boys!

President Trump has revealed that he was unable to appear at the commemoration in France for US soldiers killed during World War I because the forecast light drizzle would have caused serious complications with his bone spurs.

The bone spur, which tragically prevented the President from serving in Vietnam, is a serious medical condition affecting an unfortunate minority of Americans who can afford to pay for it.

In this case, highly-paid doctors believe that the possibility of scattered rain coming into proximity with the spur would have almost certainly caused instant death, and therefore the President was quite right not to attend, and it’s certainly NOTHING to do with the embarrassing thing which happens to his wig when it gets wet.

France’s president, Emmanuel Macron, and Germany’s chancellor, Angela Merkel, clasped hands at a solemn ceremony at Compiègne as they marked the centenary of the armistice signing.

It was the first time since the war that leaders from the two countries had met at the site where the ceasefire agreement with Germany was signed.

Mr Trump is believed to have commemorated the event by sitting alone in his hotel room eating pizza.

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Filed under Donald Trump, News, War

How did 4 million housewives boil an egg in WW1?


An eggy soldier digs in and awaits the big push.

With this being the centenary year of the First World War™, we ask Harold’s oldest living conscientious objector about life in the second best conflict in history.

“Kids these days take a boiled egg for granted I suppose”, suggests George Butler, 119. “But back then, the warmed chicken foetus had only just been discovered, by a chap in Berlin who ate something that fell out of a hen and landed in a kettle.

“They weren’t called eggs straight away, no no no. Until 1915 they were known as ‘kaiser orbs’ or ‘hun balls’ if you were common. Anti-German feeling was so strong that omlettes were eventually considered an act of treason.

“That’s why in Harold, we had the famous ‘chicken trials’ of 1914. All the kids cheered when a bantam broiler was found guilty of Germanism and tied to the church and shot. You could still see the bullet holes in the old vicar right up until his death in 1986.”
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Filed under Banal History, Food, War