Aggghhhhhh. Enough already. SHUT UP!
Wearied by the spewings of a malevolent, sulky troll over the past month, the UK has rediscovered its interest in Syria and migrants drowning in the Mediterranean.
“I got emotionally dulled by pictures of children covered in blood and dust.” says Harold’s Carly Jeffery “So in October, the prospect of a 24×7 reality show about an orange sociopath with anger issues Continue reading
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Filed under News, US Elections
“Guess who’s back, bitches”
Two hundred and forty years after they were told to sod off the British are to regain a former colony and take control of the United States of America on the grounds that it’s become too silly.
“One has looked at Mrs Clinton and One has looked at Mr Trump,” said Her Britannic Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, Chatelaine of Cair Paravel and Empress of the Lone Islands. “And when it comes to both of them One’s reaction is, in the words of the philosopher Will Smith, aw, hell naw!”
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Filed under US Elections
Bill Clinton has angrily denied phoning Melania Trump, instantly causing people to speculate he must have Skyped or Snapchatted her.
“I did not have phone relations with that woman” said Clinton. “I’ve never heard of ‘speed dial’, I don’t even know what a phone is, much less how she appeared on my ‘frequent contacts’ list.”
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Filed under Politics
“April Fools!” After keeping shtum for months, Donald can finally let his hair down and relax
Red-necked US citizens were left red-faced this morning after the sudden withdrawal of Donald Trump from the election race.
Dubbed the longest running build-up to an April Fool bombshell, the news left millions dumbstruck. Eventually, small pockets of people in isolated communities began to recover their composure.
“Hey, he didn’t fool us for one minute,” they said. “We was jes’ playin’ along n’all. We sure ain’t no bigoted racists, no sir, we was jes’ pretendin’.”
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Filed under International News, News, Politics
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