Queen to rule USA until it can behave properly

"Guess who's back, bitches"

“Guess who’s back, bitches”

Two hundred and forty years after they were told to sod off the British are to regain a former colony and take control of the United States of America on the grounds that it’s become too silly.

“One has looked at Mrs Clinton and One has looked at Mr Trump,” said Her Britannic Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, Chatelaine of Cair Paravel and Empress of the Lone Islands. “And when it comes to both of them One’s reaction is, in the words of the philosopher Will Smith, aw, hell naw!”

“The USA can consider itself on the naughty step until it learns to calm down and not be so greedy,” Her Majesty said.”We will also palm Charles and Camilla off onto them with any luck.”

While the day-to-day effect of British rule will not be too harsh many are wondering how Americans will cope with at last drinking proper beer and not chilled piss.

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