Tag Archives: the Squirrel Lickers Arms

Michael Gove rushed into A&E after being accidentally sprinkled with salt

“Watch out for that massive tub of beer, Michael!”

Michael Gove is said to be “serious but stable” in hospital, after being dusted with salt in a pub garden accident.

“A customer was adding salt to their chips, when the lid of the salt cellar suddenly came off and a cloud of salt flew across the table.” explained Eddie Grudgingly, landlord of the Squirrel Lickers Arms in Harold.

“No one else was affected but with Mr Gove it was really weird. His body became really shiny, then he began to froth at the mouth Continue reading

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Eddie’s Christmas Speech


“Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” Benjamin Franklin

This past year has been an interesting one for The Squirrel Lickers and I. We have welcomed many new drinkers, especially on tribute nites, and have been witness to a wonderful array of evenings full of fellowship and friendship.

Sadly this year also brought with it some trials both literally (I don’t care that he’s my brother-in-law he was bang out of order and the judge agreed) and emotionally when The Squirrel Lickers become the first pub ever to get a negative score on a hygiene inspection. That was an especial disappointment as I had taken great care to both greet the inspectors and to bribe them handsomely. Even providing thick slices of the famous Harold Pie lovingly created from an ancient recipe and featuring no less than fourteen types of plants and wildlife that today hover on the brink of extinction due to mass over-consumption plus several others now regrettably reclassified as toxic.

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