Warning: one of these creatures can crawl up the pipes and emerge from your toilet
A new horror to urban living has emerged following the local election results with scientists calculating that those in built-up areas are never more than three metres from a UKIP supporter.
Residents in Harold’s most populous area, which is lived in almost exclusively by Vikings and locally known as Little Copenhagen, are terrified.
”I was always worried about being in close proximity to rats,’ said blacksmith Nigel Thorvald. ‘And of course spiders. Did you know in your lifetime you swallow between eight and twenty spiders while you’re sleeping plus at least three a year crawl across your face to drink from your eyeballs?” Continue reading
Koko – the UKIP Candidate
Dave Koko, UKIP’s representative in the village council contest has admitted that a comedy of errors has resulted in his failing to register for this Thursday’s election.
Part time fireman, Koko, 35, who has been a UKIP member for five years, was previously a member of the Monster Raving Loony Party but he was excluded for being too extreme.
Wearing his trademark UKIP outfit complete with red nose and size 19 shoes, Koko blamed his car for his not making the deadline for filing his election papers. ‘My car is always breaking down,’ he sighed. ‘First it stops moving so I get out and open the bonnet. Then water spurts into my face, so I kick the car in retaliation. Then the doors fall off and the tyres go flat. Finally the bumpers crash to the ground and the car gives out a loud fart. It’s getting beyond a joke!’ Continue reading
Filed under News, Politics