Tag Archives: lions

Lions deny any involvement in Longleat fire

firelion

Investigators think he might be lion.

A pride of lions has sought to distance itself from a vehicle blaze in their enclosure at Longleat.

Despite ‘vaguely smelling of turps’, investigators have so far failed to pin the blame on the big cats, who categorically denied they’d put a tiger in the tank.

Michelle Evans is a forensic keeper at the park, and thinks the lions may have paid some chimps to monkey with the car’s cooling system.

“The family think their car overheated in slow traffic, but if that was the case the M6 would be ablaze from Knutsford right through to the M56”, she explained. “We’re pretty sure an alpha male bribed the chimps to rub their muck in the radiator, and sat back and waited for the females to bring a meal back from the drive-thru.”
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Filed under environment, Law and Order, Nature

Owner of zoo for inbred animals accused of nepotism

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Rhino horn?Attempts to widen gene pool have been unsuccessful.

A zoo for inbred animals has been criticised by an audit, which found most of the staff shared the same surname.

Harold’s Incestuous Petting Zoo is a favourite tourist attraction in Bedfordshire, although most visitors learn less about genetics than they do about mocking the afflicted.

Amongst the attractions is a sealion with a hare lip, a hare with a sealion lip, a family of monobrowed otters, a very slow loris and an elephant with a big shoe.
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Filed under Around Harold, Nature