Owner of zoo for inbred animals accused of nepotism


Rhino horn?Attempts to widen gene pool have been unsuccessful.

A zoo for inbred animals has been criticised by an audit, which found most of the staff shared the same surname.

Harold’s Incestuous Petting Zoo is a favourite tourist attraction in Bedfordshire, although most visitors learn less about genetics than they do about mocking the afflicted.

Amongst the attractions is a sealion with a hare lip, a hare with a sealion lip, a family of monobrowed otters, a very slow loris and an elephant with a big shoe.

But visitors have noticed that the staff display similar traits, and use the same photo for all their ID cards.

David Evans defended his business model, claiming ‘it don’t matter who works it, or what gene pools they swum in’.

“We get animals in here what no-one else wants ‘cos they’re odd”, said Evans. “You know, they got bits that are misshapen, a bit webbed or just missing. But as my mum and her sister used to always say as we bathed in the afterglow: ‘hideous physical defects is in the eye of the beholder’.”

We spoke to several visitors to the park and they seemed to be enjoying the experience.

“I really loved the pride of retarded lions and I learneded that you can’t call them that”, said Janet Evans. “I also bought a souvenir poking stick to get swears out of touretteted parrots.”

“The racist panda was brilliant, it alternated between hating its ends then the middle”, said Peter Evans. “Then some lemurs with inner ear problems wobbled past and I pelted them with sandwiches.”

David Evans apologised to Peter that the backwards shark was unavailable for teasing. Somewhat inevitably, ‘the useless sod drowned’.

Joan Evans had spent the morning there and told us that there was ‘lots more to see’. “According to this leaflet they have a chicken in a pickle, a simple salmon and a mongolian lamb. Oh wait, sorry. This is the lunch menu.”

With genetically monotonous animals now being given away by the more ‘politically correct’ zoos, David Evans explained that the success of his park had led to several offers to buy it.

“There’s no chance of that though”, he said. “Aside from being suspiciously symmetrical, the outsiders want to water down our selective inbreeding programme. Let me assure you, we Evans will always keep it in the family.”

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