Tag Archives: innocent

Bill Roache not guilty : ‘Trial by Twitter’ credibility now in doubt

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After yesterday’s announcement by Twitter it had made a loss of $645M, the micro-blogging site’s share price and ‘trial by twitter’ credibility took another hit today when Coronation Street actor Bill Roache was found not guilty of historical sexual assault charges.

“It turns out that sometimes our policy of users finding someone guilty without any facts isn’t as full proof as we thought,” Twitter’s CEO Dick Costolo told us.

“Normally, with the likes of Sally Bercow on our Jury of millions, we can call someone guilty before they have even been arrested, replacing the traditional ‘innocent until proven guilty’ judicial system with a ‘throw enough shit and it might stick’ technique.
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Lib Dems seek ‘middle way’ between guilty and innocent

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Lord Rennard relaxing inside a swan’s bottom

Nick Clegg is considering a radical overhaul of the legal system, to create a compromise somewhere between guilty and innocent.

‘The third way’ will be trialled on the completely innocent sex peer Lord Rennard, who may not have done anything wrong but should still be forced to apologise.

“Sometimes, the extremes of ‘guilty’ and ‘not guilty’ can be far too judgmental”, said Clegg. “And choosing one or the other can leave the defendant or prosecutor feeling a bit dis-empowered.”

“Isn’t it better to leave both parties equally disgruntled and confused? Shouldn’t justice be a ‘no score draw’? Of course it should, that’s the Liberal Democrat way.”
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Filed under Law and Order, Politics, Sex