Tag Archives: immigrants

Royal family must declare number of foreign members under new rules


Foreigners seen here preparing traditional kebab dinner

Monarchists have reacted angrily to proposed new rules in which  royal families will be forced to announce how many foreigners they contain.

Government proposals for the “naming and shaming” of monarchies with high numbers of immigrant royals were designed to “promote English nobility”, but instead risk penalising hard-working Greeks or Germans who contribute greatly to our society by taking massive civil list payments, according to a spokesman from Who’s Who.

“People like Prince Philip come here looking for a better life, and who can blame them,” insisted a Buckingham Palace insider.

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“Moo about it being ‘totally unacceptable’ then just sit back down”: Cameron’s Calais plan in full


To be fair to Calais police some of these chaps who are intent on getting into the UK do seem a bit highly strung. We wouldn’t want to tackle them either.

  1. Blame the French.
  2. Moo about it being ‘totally unacceptable’ then just sit back down.

  3. Never mention that under the Coalition the Border Force had 20% slashed from its budget and its workforce reduced by 5,200. Continue reading

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Farage blames failure to complete crossword on immigrants


Farage, complaining to the Oxford dictionary about their bureaucratic obsession with grammar.

Nigel Farage struggled to finish a crossword puzzle in a timely manner last night – and laid the blame squarely on immigrants.

“The white boxes are the only ones that really do anything, but they’re being held back by all the blacks”, insisted the UKIP leader.

“They just clutter the place up, they don’t enhance this game at all. It’s about time we stopped letting them in, give the white boxes a bit of room to breathe. We need to start with a clean sheet of paper.”
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