Tag Archives: frankenstein food

GM potatoes ‘can now fight and kill small mammals’


“Perfectly harmless”

British scientists have developed genetically modified potatoes that have sufficient intelligence and teeth to fight off small mammals.

For years farmers have been blighted by having their potatoes eaten by mice and rats, and have had to invest heavily in traps and poison. Now, after a three year trial run by Harold village scientist Bjorn ‘Three Fingers’ Bjornsson, a strain of potato has been engineered which is practically invulnerable to field animals and hungry tramps.

Following an EU investigation into the potential for terrifying biotechnology to protect crops, scientists at the John Horse Memorial Laboratory began a trial of savage nightmare potatoes in 2010. An early setback ensued when all the trial potatoes escaped one cloudy moonless night, leading to friction with locals and the mysterious disappearance of every cat in the village. Continue reading


Filed under Around Harold, Farming, science

Protesters call for ban on Chinese GM ‘super cows’

GM cows

Large, or really close? – GM Super Cows are ‘upsettingly big’ claim protesters

Huge, genetically modified cows that were created using rat genes have brought howls of protests at a local farm.

Standing at over three metres tall and weighing as much as five tonnes, each cow can produce around 180 litres of milk a day.

The mega cattle were initially conceived to get round EC milk quotas, which are based on the number of heads in a herd. But despite quotas being phased out the moo-sive cows are gaining popularity, this time as a simple show of farming might.

The cows were produced by China’s burgeoning biotech sector, combining genes from a regular Holstein-Friesian cow and a rat. “Rats have an amazing property: they never stop growing”, explained head of research at Deng Bio, Dr Wei Tsao. “By combining this trait with the highly productive Holstein, we have created an enormous cow with lucrative udders.”

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