Tag Archives: evolution

Creationist headteacher insists world moves on giant tortoise

What’s wrong with this picture?

The Headteacher who insisted that evolution wasn’t real has given further proof of her intellectual ability by announcing that the planet Earth moves through space on the back of a giant tortoise.

Christina Blinkerson, head of a primary school in Lancashire, claimed on Twitter that evolution was just “a theory”.

Wilkinson spouted: “Evolution is not a fact. That’s why it’s called a theory! There’s more evidence that the Bible is true. I’ve read it in a book.”

As if this were not enough to disqualify her from ever being allowed to speak to schoolchildren again, she followed up by expanding on her beliefs of something she called the “Great Tortoise”, which she had read in her other book.

“It’s true!” she spluttered over social media. “A huge tortoise, carrying the Earth through the heavens! And there’s something about elephants, but I can’t remember that bit.”

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Humans getting taller and smarter, except for Brian

big shoe

Even Brian’s sandals are thick.

Scientists have confirmed that human beings are becoming taller and more intelligent, with the exception of Harold’s Brian Evans.

“It’s selective evolution”, explained Professor Justine Wurlitzer of Dunstable University. “People are attracted to clever people, who can also put things in those high cupboards you get on aircraft.”

“Whereas Brian is, if anything, getting slightly more stupid with every passing minute. For instance, yesterday he spent an hour trying to lick his elbows.”

The professor carried out a range of experiments to measure cognitive ability, problem solving and if Brian can reach his lunch box if it’s moved to the top shelf in the fridge.
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