Tag Archives: Brexit talks

Snails now technically moving faster than Brexit

Astride the blue recycling bin

Snails have been feeling upbeat today after moving up a rung on the evolutionary ladder, according to a new study using the Brexit negotiations as a benchmark.

“Talk about deja vu,” said John Snail. “I’ve been all the way to the bins and back and the talks still haven’t moved. I’ve seen grass grow faster. It would be quicker if I set off to France myself and negotiated a deal with an escargot. It would probably be a better deal too. And with less slime.”

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Filed under Around Harold, Brexit, Europe, Nature, Pets, science

Liam Fox: “EU mustn’t blackmail UK” (he himself has never been blackmailed)

“Does my head look big in this studio? And it’s Doctor Fox to you, you BBC bastards.”

Liam Fox says choosing the word ‘blackmail’, to warn about the EU’s Brexit approach, wasn’t informed by personal experiences of being blackmailed over something from his past he’d prefer to keep private, locked away, in a closet.

In fact, Fox believes words should be carefully used. As a former GP, he insists on being called Doctor Fox and addresses colleagues in like manner; Journalist Gove, Serial Business Failure Rudd, and Congenital Liar Johnson. Continue reading

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David Davis explains slowness of Brexit talks: “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“It’s not fair.” Davis is upset that the EU is clearly negotiating in its own best interests,

“The thing is,” said David Davis, answering questions on the glacial progress of the Brexit talks “I haven’t a clue how the EU works. So it’s no surprise things are going slowly.”

“To be honest,” Davis went on “none of us know. Not Michael, not Boris, definitely not Theresa. When I ask the other side for help they Continue reading


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Quelle surprise!” PM’s Brexit intervention makes things even worse

Alone, even in a family of nations

The baby-sitter on the doorstep who’d make you seriously re-think going out at all, has clumped all over Brexit talks in her size 10s, like a fart at an investiture.

Hard on the heels of David Davis’ Day 1 U-turn, the PM has waded into Brexit talks with an offer to EU nationals post-Brexit, to show her colleagues the real meaning of a car-crash.

Donald Tusk described Mrs May’s plan as being “below expectations”, which is Polish for f-cking useless. Angela Merkel, on the other hand was clear that there’d been “no breakthrough”, which is German Continue reading

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