Chancellor: Tory borrowing to invest is “completely different” from Labour borrowing to invest

Our borrowing and spending is different from Labour’s because reasons

Philip Hammond says that his planned spending on infrastructure is wise and pragmatic, unlike Labour’s planned spending on infrastructure, which is another example of failed left-wing idealogy.

“We’ll build homes,” he said “where Labour planned to piss taxpayers’ money up the wall by building homes. We’ll improve transport links, where Labour planned to spunk away hard working families’ cash on improving transport links and similar madcap schemes.”

“My predecessor said he’d balance the books by 2015” Hammond reminded his listeners, before going on to explain that the deficit woud now be tackled “sometime, rather than in a LaLa Land fantasy future, as promised by Labour”.

“Sometime means sometime” he added “I hope that clears up any confusion.”