Bono proclaims he will heal Labour


Rejoice for He is among us

There is relief today as having heard the cries of a people suffering without an Opposition, Bono has descended and promised to fix this heaving shambles pronto, like.
“No more division. All is needed is one beautiful, humble voice. It’s time for Bono, let Him speak,” said Bono. “Guys, I feel your pain and just like Africa I will heal it.”
“I say this unto Jeremy and Owen: you’re both amazing, truly wonderful but now everyone needs to unite under someone they can believe in. A leader who’s a friend to pontiffs and presidents and once had a selfie taken with someone who worked in an office or maybe it was a down a mine. Step aside, gentleman, for the good of the party, for the good of the country, for the good of your souls do the right thing and give the people what they want. Give them Bono.”

Shortly after His statement Bono was informed that more and more leaders are publishing their tax details to demonstrate full transparency. After that He didn’t seem as keen on His plan.

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