Final list of scapegoats for England’s Euro 2016 failure announced

Hodgson has been practicing this expression for after every match

Roy Hodgson has confirmed the squad of players with whom he will share the blame for another crushing defeat at the national game.

As expected, Wayne Rooney remains as Captain and role model for the younger players “I was an exciting prospect myself ten years ago” said Mr Potato Head “but I learned to cut out the clever stuff and play the traditional England way.” He says the squad have watched Rugby Union videos to help embed the principles of passing backwards.

Hodgson explained the philosophy that has brought England such consistent results over 50 years. “Opposition teams like to get the ball up field, so our back-passes meet with little resistence. Simple but ingenious.”

The manager is confident that England are more than able to deliver exactly what most fans are expecting of them. “We’ve been training hard with the lads all wearing different coloured shirts, so they’ll know exactly who to pass the ball to. Raheem Sterling has been doing a lot of solo work in a nearby cul de sac.”