“Nah, he’ll be fine. David Attenborough didn’t have any problems.”
After a gorilla was shot dead at a zoo in Cincinnati, it has emerged that everybody on facebook is massively knowledgeable about the behaviour and body language of adult gorillas.
Zoo officials shot the gorilla to protect a four-year-old boy who had fallen into the enclosure, but social media’s ever ready population of under-informed, over-opinionated users reckon the child was in no danger, and could maybe even have been left there for the gorillas to raise as one of their own.
“He wasn’t in any danger at all, you can clearly see that the gorilla was protecting him, not trying to harm him.” said Joe Goodman, an accountant from Solihull whose closest thing to a formal qualification in analysing the behaviour of gorillas is a GCSE in geography. Grade B.
“It’s odd how keepers with years of experience dealing with animals in general, and gorillas in particular, got this so badly wrong when everybody I’ve spoken to in the office agrees the kid was fine.”
Joe’s wife urged caution when listening to his advice on animals, pointing out the claw marks still visible on his face from when he insisted the family cat loved having its whiskers pulled. But Joe remained undeterred.
“It didn’t take long for the video to circulate and most people to agree everything would be OK. So surely they could’ve posted the clip and asked for advice from the general public before making this decision.”
“After all, how much damage could a four hundred pound gorilla realistically do to a toddler in the time it took to do a facebook opinion poll?”
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