Labour continue to miss massive open goal


The first rule of the Labour Party is: you do not talk about anything else

Despite being in opposition to a pack of weasels led by a man who’d frack his own grandmother if he thought she was naturally gassy enough to make an (offshore) profit, the Labour party remain unable to look anywhere other than up their own arse.

“It’s very easy to say we’re missing an open goal,” said Jeremy Corbyn. “But the important thing to do is first establish what game we’re playing. I want to be goalie, Hilary Benn insists we’re playing rugby union and Dianne Abbott is wandering around asking everyone why she’s wearing wicket keeping gloves.”

“It may seem that we’d rather divide and fight amongst ourselves than oppose the Tories however I think that’s a view that’s typical of Progress, and I also believe that Labour For the Common Good can do one. The Marxists are just piss and wind and don’t get me started on Compass, the Judean People’s Front, the National Policy Forum, the Sharks, the Jets, Labour First, Sly and the Family Stone, Momentum…”

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