Vatican launches ‘Papal Bull’ condom range

papalbullAfter the Pope’s softening of opposition to contraception, the newly-created Vatican Rubber Company has rushed out a new range of condoms for the discerning Catholic – “Papal Bulls’.

A spokesman said the new condoms offered a unique blend of security, sensation and spiritual guidance, and were available in ‘Trinity-sized’ packs of three from machines inside every confessional booth.

For extra protection, each deluxe latex prophylactic comes pre-blessed with a Hail Mary.

“People may be surprised to see the Vatican embracing condom use,” explained official spokesman Reverend Father Federico “Johnny” Lombardi.

“But sex has become very much part ot the Catholic brand. We’d be crazy not to cash in, if only to raise some money for all the lawsuits we’re facing.”

“We think our branding has the rugged but sensual feel so common in the priesthood these days. We’ve listened to the people, done our research, and the people have told us that when you say ‘priest’, they think ‘bull’.”

Despite the massive marketing push, initial sales have disappointingly slow, according to the first sales figures.

The Vatican admitted this was confusing, asking “What in heaven could be putting people off using holy condoms?”

* thanks to Gareth Child – he knows why…

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