Asylum seekers forced to wear ‘It’s a Knockout’ costumes

Daily struggle to fit in

Asylum seekers in Cardiff face humiliation by being forced to wear distinctive costumes from the old TV series It’s a Knockout, it emerged today.

In order to qualify for food and housing, the refugees must dress up as grotesque ogres, bloated Tweedledums or even monstrously inflated parrots, according to complaints made to journalists.

One asylum seeker explained the unpleasant conditions his family faced: “In order to qualify for food, I had to dress up in a ridiculous French waiter costume with a massively over-sized head, and negotiate a slippery obstacle course while being sprayed with water.”

“Hardly any of the locals had giant heads, so everyone could tell straight away I was a refugee. To make it worse, I kept slipping over on the giant turntable when they sprayed water on me, and there was a guy with a microphone laughing his head off and shouting ‘HERE COME THE SYRIANS!'”

“I’ve never been so humiliated in my life, and to make it worse, I’d just played my joker.”

Trying to maintain dignity

A spokesperson for the Home Office admitted that the whole costume thing was a ‘regrettable mistake’, but explained that there had to be some kind of easy identification to prove eligibility.

“We considered discreet identity cards, something like that, but decided on balance that giant heads were the best option. Obviously with hindsight this did expose the asylum seekers to a certain amount of unwanted attention.”

“But at least we didn’t do anything as stupid as painting their front doors red or making them wear a special bracelet. We’re not that stupid.”