‘Reimagined’ Top Gear will feature ‘more cooking’

The new team decide who to pick on first.

The BBC has announced exciting plans to gently manoeuvre the hit show ‘Top Gear’ away from the race track, and into the kitchen.

“Some fans have said that the show was never really about cars, it was in fact about the chemistry between three oafs”, revealed BBC Imagineer Ross Kelp.

“So why not get in some new presenters, teach them to be shits, and get them cooking at each other in Peru?”

With 73% of the BBC’s current output focussing on food, Kelp sees this as proof that now is the time to ‘apron up’.

“Hardly anyone watches car shows on the BBC these days, and that isn’t just because we don’t make any”, insisted Kelp. “If you look at the statistics, everyone is watching someone else cook some tea.”

“It’s very exciting, who wouldn’t prefer to watch some peas on a rolling boil, while Alan Titchmarsh says something a bit racist?”

Kirsty Wark and Clare Balding will complete the new line-up, primarily because they’re women who have owned their own kitchens.

“Three rival puddings on cooling racks, filmed on location in North Korea. I’m very excited about that, I can’t wait to hear them read the banter we’ve had approved for them”, cooed Kelp.

“Of course, it’s a totalitarian communist state with a terrible record for how it treats its members. But despite that, the BBC still makes some cracking telly.”