Election 2015: UKIP would ‘tax the French’


France hasn’t bought Nigel so much as a drink.

Nigel Farage has unveiled his party’s economic policy, and within it, plans to make the French pay our taxes.

In a move which would shift the financial burden from working class, middle class and upper class Brits, UKIP will instead tax someone else entirely.

“I’m sure we’ve all heard of the French”, said Farage. “And what the people on the streets are telling me, is that a lot of the French aren’t currently paying any tax at all in the UK.”

“They’re just idling away in their own country, and refusing to fill in British tax returns. That’s typical of them, and so many others in Federal Europe.”

UKIP’s ‘let someone else pay’ policy was inspired by the Greek government, who are promising to clamp down on Germans who don’t live in Greece as a sneaky way of avoiding tax.

Getting France to pick up our bills seems popular with the voters, if a quick visit to Harold’s high street is anything to go by.

“I had a Renault once, and it was shit”, said farmer Phil Evans. “So they must owe us a few bob for that. And my dad had a Citroen, that was also shit. And a cast-iron Le Creuset microwave. It’s about time they paid us reparations.”

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