Huge boost for Tories as Blair backs Miliband


Oh bugger.

The Conservative party received a massive boost to its election chances today as Tony Blair came out in support of Labour’s Ed Miliband.

The two parties had been running neck and neck in the polls, but following the former Prime Minster’s announcement, the Conservatives’ “Blair bump” saw them race to an impressive 99% lead over Labour.

“Sometimes you just get lucky,” admitted a grinning David Cameron, speaking to journalists while taking a break from painting victory banners and measuring bunting. “Miliband must be gutted, the poor sod. ‘Tony’s unqualified admiration and support’ – what an absolute disaster for anyone.”

Labour preferred to offer no comment this morning, although one party insider claimed that Ed Miliband was locked in the bathroom refusing to speak to anyone, while wife Justine had already hidden all sharp objects from both kitchens. “He’s devastated,” the source revealed. “Ed’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but to be supported by Blair – you wouldn’t wish that on your worst enemy.”

Blair’s intervention was not met with enthusiasm from everyone in the Conservative camp, however. Lynton Crosby, the party’s pugnacious Australian election strategist admitted he was now left with nothing to do, and would have to go home.

“We couldn’t have been more popular without starting a war,” he confessed. “Come to think of it, Tony will probably do that now too.”

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