Virgin train cancelled due to missing smelly poo


Branson promised the train would soon be pulling out of the station.

A Virgin train from Manchester to Euston was cancelled today, after the toilet in one of the carriages was found to be bearable.

The rail operator apologised to passengers but insisted that it was ‘more than their franchise was worth’ to attempt the journey without a foul-smelling pan trout.

“Our staff are trained to inspect the toilets on a regular basis, and deal quickly with anything that looks remotely hygenic”, said PR director Gordon Keeble.

“Unfortunately this train has been the scene of some vigorous flushing, and on this occasion, none of our staff were fully ‘up to the job’.”

Customers were removed from the vehicle and stood near a portaloo in the sidings, while engineers attempted to recreate the blockage. A train manager was on hand to offer a sniff of a scotch egg to anyone overcome with fresh air.

“Richard Branson is on his way, he’s offered to personally curl one out”, said Keeble. “And he’s eating his way through a kilo bag of Bombay Mix in his helicopter as I speak.”

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