School children warned of dangers of watching Clarkson eclipse


Some oafs believe the world rotates around Clarkson.

Students at Harold’s Shining Future Academy will be allowed to miss lessons on Friday morning, so they can experience 35 minutes with a reduced view of Clarkson.

But teachers have warned that staring directly at Clarkson can cause a loss of perspective, and they worry about the effect he might have on pupils.

The Clarkson Eclipse is expected to start during the 8.00am news bulletins, but there’s a slim chance someone might not see it.

“It could be clouded out by more important news”, revealed headmaster Clive Morris, “such as the outbreak of nuclear war, an alien invasion, or…well, nothing else really. It’s such a big deal, if the hype is to be believed.”

Although rarely eclipsed, when Clarkson is eventually blotted out observers can expect a feeling of doom, darkened skies and an eery silence. Fans have likened this to ‘watching Fifth Gear’.

Total obfuscation of Clarkson is only possible because he is exactly four times the mass of his two orbiting bodies. Without his presence, they would be flung into obscurity.

This is the largest partial enquiry into Clarkson since 1999. Another isn’t expect until 2016.

The BBC admitted that an impartial enquiry is unlikely to ever happen.

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