A veterinary surgery that claims to follow halal practices has drawn protests in the village of Harold.
Following guidelines for animal welfare dictated by an angel some 1,400 years ago, the Jamuh Haariat practice treats a range of ailments using only a sharp knife.
“While we could use an anaesthetic, that isn’t specifically mentioned in the Quran”, explained Dr Haariat. “That either means they weren’t invented then, or more likely, Allah forbids them.”
Locals have been uncomfortable using the service, but didn’t like to complain for fear of appearing racist. However, some have been so angry, they’ve apologetically asked it might be a little cruel.
“No, obviously slashing away at an old, unwanted dog and allowing it to bleed out isn’t quite as painless as an injection”, said Haariat. “But on the plus side, we do say a little prayer.”
“I only took my cat in to be neutered after she had her first kindle of kittens”, said pensioner Elsie Duggan. “I was a bit disappointed when she was stoned to death for not being married. But the bill was reasonable, so I didn’t feel I could really complain.”
Others have suggested that the surgeon may have been radicalised, after he posted a video online of a goldfish being flushed down the practice toilet.
Duggan told us that in future, she might use the Kosher vets in Dunstable. “It’s pretty much exactly the same, except they don’t open on Saturdays.”
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