Terror suspect ‘lived at Blair address’


The court artist ‘vomited like an Ebola victim’ as she attempted to make this sketch.

A terror suspect accused of carrying out ‘indiscriminate killings’ lived at an address that started with ‘Mr and Mrs Blair’s house’.

The revelation was made during a trial at the Old Bailey. Jurors were shown a video of a 61 year-old man speaking with a transatlantic accent, posing on holiday and telling locals that he was once ‘really popular, actually’.

The suspect was ‘hiding in plain sight’ according to prosecutors, in a ‘massive house’ containing paintings of himself and his ‘frankly awful’ wife.

“These were obviously planned, because colossal portraits don’t happen by accident”, said Prosecutor Cherie Blair. “And the one over the fireplace really captures my good side. Not one of them is a water colour and all of them bear the hallmark ‘A Pretty Straight Kinda Peace Envoy’. I put it to you that you’re obsessed with oils.”

The defendant denied the charges but admitted sleeping with the prosecution, before adding “C’mon Cherie, what’s this really all about?”

The Prosecution then showed the defendant an invoice for an enormous legal fee.

“The defence rests”, said a Mr Blair. “There’s no use arguing with her when she gets like this. Besides, if Cherie pulls this off, I really will be a ‘kept husband’.”

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